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Dreams live first...
(New Age Online) |
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By Niji Akanni
Suppose you now tell me about this dream? Exactly how it comes to you every night.
Ah, this dream . . . Pastor, it is even beginning to look like a film to me!
Like a film, eh? Very good. We are getting somewhere . . . Now, which kind of film is it?
Like any normal film: in color, with sound and all.
No. What I am trying to find out is . . . I am sure you know that dreams are nothing but some spirits trying to send a message to us?
Is that so?
Yes. Especially if one particular dream keeps coming again and again. So, I want to know if your own dream looks like a Nigerian film or like an American or Italian film.
Would that make any difference, Pastor?
Oh, very much! You did say you have some relations in Italy and the U.S., not so?
Yes. I have five cousins in Italy. My two elder sisters live in the U.S.
Very good. So, if we know what your filmic dream looks like, we can be sure where the spirits who are trying to contact you come from. Are they American spirits or Italian or Nigerian . . .
I see. Ah, na wah o! I cannot say which kind of film it is o! I only see this beautiful child coming out of the sea, naked and waving towards me as I stand on the beach . . .
Are you naked, too?
No. Why?
Thank God. Never mind why for now. Go on.
Okay. So, the child comes running and smiling happily to me and saying, ‘Mummy! Mummy!’ but just before she reaches me, a man jumps out of the sea and snatches her away!
The man is not naked, too, is he?
No, he is not . . . But, Pastor, what is this concern about nakedness?
Because if there is so much nakedness, the dream is likely to be an American Grade-B movie which has no meaning beyond the sight of the naked bodies themselves.
I see. Anyway, that is the end of the dream. As soon as the man drags the child back into the sea, I start crying . . . I mean, heavy crying o! Crying and shouting. I cry so much that I do not notice when people gather around me and start to clap. Then I wake up . . . It has been like that every day for the past five weeks!
Hmmm. Interesting . . . now, let us start the analysis. First, can you tell me if any part or the whole of that dream is in slow motion?
No. Everything and everybody move normally.
Then the dream cannot have a Nigerian origin. . . . This your dream is very dramatic, and you know that every small or big dramatic moment in Nigerian films is always in slow motion . . . Genevieve Nnaji has a quarrel with her, father, Alex Usifo; she walks out of the room in slow motion. RMD is stepping out of a sleek Lincoln Navigator to enter a supermarket; they present it in slow motion. I can even remember seeing Grace Amah weeping in slow motion in Charles Novia’s film, Cinderella!
Okay, Pastor. So, it is not a Nigerian film. You think it is American or Italian?
Well whether it is American or Italian depends on the technical sophistication of the dream. For instance, if it is American Hollywood, when the child or man comes out of the sea, the earth will shake and crack open, the sky will darken and computer-generated bats will start flying everywhere. Does it happen like that?
No, there are no ‘special effects’; is that not what these film people call it? No, nothing like that. Everything is realistic.
Realistic, eh? Then, it must be Italian! They are the masters of realism. Their films make you feel everything is happening naturally: no artificiality in their stories and their presentation. Their characters are believable human beings. Have you seen Malena or Life is Beautiful?
No, Pastor. I am not really a lover of films. That is why I sort of find your interpretation strange . . . Why would any person ń or spirit ń want to send me a message in a filmic dream when in real life I rarely see films?
Because spirits move and work in mysterious ways. Have you not heard that quote from the bible?
I am not sure if that is the correct quote. But anyway, if you say Italy is the home of realism: then would my cousins there not choose a realistic way of sending a message to me; through email, or SMS. Why choose the medium of dreams?
Again, I quote from the bible: “As it is in heaven, so it has become on earth”
What does that mean?
It means that long ago, God could send someone like Moses the Ten Commandments in a direct, finished and bound form. That cannot happen nowadays! What with the printer’s devil and email virus and computer hackers and all that? Any message from the third realm now cannot be in the physical, realistic medium!
Well, maybe, you have a point there . . . But, Pastor, my cousins in Italy are not spirits! They are flesh and blood human beings. Shall I go and bring their photographs?
I am not saying they are spirits. I say maybe they can no longer communicate with you physically, directly. Maybe the Italian government has suddenly began to censor all emails, SMS and telephone calls going out of their country in order to catch illegal immigrants. Are you telling that your cousins are all legal residents in Italy?
Ah, you do make sense now. As a mater of fact, not one of my relations in Italy or the U.S. lives there legally!
There you are! So, they are simply trying to talk to you in the spiritual medium of dreams, and being so, their message has to come in codes.
So, what does it all mean? What is one or all of my cousins trying to tell me with a dream of sea, smiling child, angry man and clapping crowd?
In fact, everything is clear to me now! . . . First, we have agreed that the dream originates from Italy. Second, we all know that Italian films are always heavy on the family institution; their films are filled with crying women, children and shouting, macho men and beautiful beaches. Therefore, the meaning is clearly that someone or some people are telling you to start a family soon.
Start a family?
Yes! That you should stop making men angry by refusing to marry them and having their babies, otherwise the whole world will only laugh at you when you start crying from loneliness and childlessness in your old age! That is why you see the crowd clapping as you cry and cry in the dream.
But this cannot be so, Pastor. I think you have read the dream completely upside down!
Is that so? I, Pastor Godswill, read a dream upside down? Do you know how long I have been reading palms and interpreting dreams? Do you have any idea how many . . .
Please, please, Pastor. Don’t get angry . . . I say your interpretation is wrong because I am happily married . . .
Oh, you are married?
Yes. And I have two children already.
Then why not say that before you let me waste all this saliva? Are you deliberately trying to make me angry?
Definitely not, Pastor! If I did not believe you could . . .
Ah, I get it now! . . . This is definitely the correct meaning of your dream!
What is it?
First, you pay up the balance of your consultation fees because I will not entertain another argument after I give you this interpretation. If you are not happy with this one, you will have to pay for another hour.
No problem, Pastor. Here it is: 5,000 naira.
Thank you. Now, the meaning of your filmic dream is simply that all the forces of heaven are telling you to become an actress.
An actress!
Yes! A Nigerian film actress. Did you not say that at the end of the dream, people are clapping as you cry and shout and shout and cry?
Yes, that is so.
Now, tell me: which famous Nigerian film actress did not first make her name from being able to cry and shout very well? Start from Patience Uzokwo, Rachel Oniga, Eucharia Anunobi, Sola Sobowale, Stella Damasus-Aboderin, even petite Genevieve . . .
Ah, Pastor, you may be right, you know! You may be very, very right! . . . I forgot to tell you this: sometimes, the end of the dream is that the clapping crowd pull me up and all of them together hold something that looks like a small statue which they put in my hands.
There you are! In fact, I think I should charge you double for this! . . . The small statue means an Award! It could be from Thema or Reel or Afro-Hollywood or one of those nameless awards in Belgium, Ireland or Dubai! . . . Woman, your destiny awaits you!
Am happy to hear this, Professor. But I am afraid . . . I mean, to become an actress with my looks, being married, having children . . .
Nonsense! Most of our famous actresses look worse than you without their make-up! Many of them are married with numerous kids, both acknowledged and unknown! . . . Get out there, girl and claim your destiny!
Thank you, Pastor.
And if you pay something extra, I will introduce you to the right people in the industry to launch your career.
Oh, you know people in the industry?
What are you saying? How do you think I know so much about films? Many of these Nigerian film people come here to consult me! . . . Actors want to know which jobs they should do and which to reject. Marketers ask me when is the best date to release their films. Directors ask when is the most likely time to ambush and catch Producers who owe them money . . . People like us are the real backbone of the film industry. Na me talk am!
Na wah o! . . . How much do you say the extra service will cost? |
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